he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
