Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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