I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
