i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Randomize
