hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm bleeding and have questions
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
