stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
