that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
