Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
