Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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