I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
