oh god the rape fog is back!
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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