Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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