WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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