we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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