I need to stop coming to work sober
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
