I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
