Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
