I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
