Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
