I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
