I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
