Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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