So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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