am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
