I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
