Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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