i already hear my dad disowning me
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
