I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
