I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
