so that wasnt chicken after all
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
