if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
