Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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