1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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