im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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