Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
