Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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