I think my fart just growled at me.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
