Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
