Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
