I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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