i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
