I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
