I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
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He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
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That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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