went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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