I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
