Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
