Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
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My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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