I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
