I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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