my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
