Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
