made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just invented taco cereal.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
