Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
