shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
