id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
