Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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