i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
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