I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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