Got a toothbrush?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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