so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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