Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
