I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
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That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
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If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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