Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
