is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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