you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
this is an emotional support booty call
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
