hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
