someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
