Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
