the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
