I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
