I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
